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Becoming a stepfamily

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My family dynamic is about to take a dramatic turn.

For more than two years now, it’s been just me and the kids, after my marriage broke down and I became a single mum.

That’s been quite a journey, and one I will write about more as the pain becomes less raw and the transition from the life we used to have gives way to a new and exciting start.

Because last Summer, I met a really great guy.

Also a single parent, with two boys of similar ages to my own, he and I began a relationship 12 months ago. We brought our children into the mix when the time felt right, and we’ve been spending all of our spare time together, including holidays when our offspring have got to know each other.

In a week, we will be taking the final step – becoming a family under one roof (or stepfamily, to be more accurate).

It’s not something either of us are taking lightly. Moving in together is a big step for any couple, but when there are four children involved it’s more than a calculated risk.

My other half is uprooting his kids to move the 40 miles to me – for various reasons including the fact I have a bigger house, the job prospects and schools are better in my area, and I happen to live closer to his family who he would like to see more often.

So in many ways I’m making the lesser sacrifice, though I wonder how me and my boys will feel, having our own space ‘invaded’ as our family doubles in size. But I’m glad to say my sons have come to consider his sons as their step-brothers. They get along better than we could have hoped (I’m grateful we have four boys, who get over fights quite quickly).

Our home will be full of noise – most of it laughter and excitement I hope. And we’ll all need to adapt to each other’s ways and respect each other’s boundaries.

On the practical side of things, as our children grow and need more space, we’ll no doubt have to look at a house extension or one of the many options for loft conversions. But for now, there is enough room for us all to live side by side without stepping on each other’s toes too much.

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My partner has met my ex, who in a strange twist of fate is happy for me. He in turn is working on making his own fresh start. And while I never dreamed we’d be in this position, we have wished each other well.

How did I end up here?

It’s been a whirlwind of change, which I haven’t felt able to write about before now, since we were still adapting and I felt the need to protect our privacy as we healed from what had been a horrific time in our lives.

But we have healed. And we’re ready to look to the future.

I, for one, feel very excited.

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