Five things to know about Blake

This week my youngest turned 5 *blows trumpet in ceremonial fashion*.

When he was born, and it hit me like a ton of wet wipes that I was now the proud owner of a brand new baby and a two-year-old, I took a deep breath and told myself “Just survive until they’re 5 and 7, then life will be a lot easier”.

Well now he’s 5 – and his brother is 7 (and a half).

Is life easier?

I’m getting more sleep, which is definitely a bonus.

But the issues get a little more complicated than the “eat, sleep, wipe snot, clean up sh*te” of the early years.

Here’s 5 things to know about Blake (whether you want to know them or not)

He likes what he likes… until he doesn’t

He likes cheesy pasta. He eats it quite happily, until one day you make it for his dinner, and he gives you an exasperated stare and asks you what the hell you think you’re doing.

You should know he doesn’t like it any more.

Girls are rubbish, and boys are best. Until you invite all the boys in his class to his birthday party – then he informs you his best friend at school is Orla, a girl.

He’s got the music in him

Turn on a pop song and he dances like no-one’s watching, sings like no-one’s listening. In the same carefree fashion you or I might remember warbling into our hairbrushes when we were kids.

He’s the star of his own little video, striking poses, pulling faces, letting rip in tuneless fashion.

And heaven help you if you don’t grant his request to play his favourite track again, and again, and again… and again *bangs head against wall*

He’s a gentle giant

Physically he’s always been twice the average size. At birth he was in the 98th percentile. And now, he’s a chubby-cheeked monster who could, quite frankly, crush his peers, just by sitting on them.

Ever seen Wreck it Ralph? Kinda like my kid. Heart of gold but his sheer bulk makes him a perfect demolition man, with the appearance of a bad guy.

But if you see him with his little friends (and next to him they look like miniature people), or petting our cat, he has the gentlest touch and kindest heart.

And just as you’re thinking “Ahhh, bless him” he karate chops you in the groin!

He loves his brother – even when he hates him

They shout, they scream, they compete for attention. They might even tear strips off each other.

But just when you feel all is lost, Blake will show Brodie how much he loves him.

Usually by seeking his approval over something.

Then his big brother realizes this little annoyance who barged into his family when he was just 2½ is someone he actually doesn’t want to be without.

So you don your armour, waiting for the missiles to fly – and find them hugging each other.

Because Blake can melt even the hardest heart.

He’s not a baby – until he’s in trouble or you ask him to do something for himself

He will continuously protest against being referred to as “the baby”, even though he’s the youngest in the family. You must think of him as a big boy at all times.

Until it’s time to get dressed, when he protests “I can’t do it” – maybe because his thumbs are permanently glued to a Nintendo DS – and waits for someone else to put on his trousers or do up his shirt.

And when he’s in trouble, it’s really time to break out the big guns, babywise.

Looking up at me, bottom lip almost hanging to the floor and conjuring up the fattest, wettest tears, he reaches out his chubby arms and pleads “MAMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

Yep, he’s not a baby. Don’t call him that.

Happy birthday Blake. We love you and all your little complications.